seriously. i can't use the "taking a break after denali and tetons" or “my back hurts” excuse nor can i use the school, work, house renovations, or wedding planning as time constraints any more ... i'm busting myself for being in denial about slacking on crossfit, yoga, and paleo for the past 2 months.
i guess i’m just tired of picking up boxes and noticing that they feel “heavy” ... which is very scary for me.
also ... here i am sitting at our little brides-to-be-brunch, stuffing my face and wondering why i’m the one eating most of the glorious scones, clotted creme, jam, yummy samiches (not “sandwiches” . . . oh no, they were too yummy to be called that), and pastries.
were they holding back or am i junk-food junkie? ... yeah, it’s the latter. my diet isn’t “bad” . . . it’s just “not good”. we don’t have glutenous foods in the house (unless you count the rice, cereal, and quinoa for matty . . . which i won’t touch). i mean, i don’t necessarily eat like a garbage disposal, but i don’t feel great on the average. plus, just because i can still pound out the pushups, l-sits, and pullups, i know i won’t be getting any snatch, C&J, or dl PR’s for a while. all it means is that my weight is light enough for whatever my atrophying muscles can lift ... my clothing is still a bit roomy ... but i’m about 120lbs of laziness in a size 2-4 compared to my 156lbs of mountaineer in a size 2-4.
so am i worried about how i “look”? . . . not that much considering that my clothes fit the same ...but my body feels a lot squidgier now.
...am i worried about “getting fat”? . . . kinda ... i do hate the beginnings of sagging cottage cheese i noticed “back there”.
what i’m more worried about is how my body performs, recovers, and functions...
how good my “looks” will be a side effect of the performance i can drive out of it.
so when i finish assembling the desk, draping 2 more walls with primer, and bringing up 2 more boxes of stuff from the basement, there will be 90 minutes of ashtanga awaiting me. it’s a new start.
but then again, every day is a new start for something good.
...and isn’t that motivation enough?
Sleep: 8hrs
Strength: 60%
Mental energy: 7
Physical energy: 5
Stress: still 7
Health: lungs still congested, v-sore back, v-crampy
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