Tery’s True, but Morally Awful Christmas Story

ok, this has nothing to do with my climb training … but maybe we can think of it as mental training :)

So I walked to the front door to pick up the mail as usual, just like any other day around the holidays. I expected the usual… Christmas cards, unsolicited advertisements, and assorted catalogs. But I found something a bit unusual today…

What I noticed in the pile was this strange little note from the Franciscan charities to the former owner of this house (who is now looking for dead – thus, why we now live here instead).

I mean, this note actually belongs to his estate – normally, I would just write “no longer resides here” and drop it back in the mail… but there was something different about this note. I didn’t know what it was, but it just seemed different. So of course I wanted to open it. Then I realized with much trepidation that opening this note would be a big mail no-no … like a felony, even.

You’re not supposed to open someone else’s mail … ESPECIALLY if it belongs to someone who is dead! How wrong is that?! Talk about disrespect to the dead! I was wracked with the emotional conflict between curiosity and morale.

You see, Norbert seemed to be a dedicated catholic… When we first bought the house, there were crucifixes everywhere, there was a huge statue of the Virgin Mary in the front yard, and a sacred heart was even embossed on the floor in the middle of the living room. No doubt these were good Christians because the proceeds from the sale of this house went to the children’s memorial hospital.

Truth be told, I’ve been touched by the history of this house and his family (as run down and crappy as is was when we first moved in). So how could I possibly open his mail now?!

Plus, I just married a man who has the strongest sense of right and wrong I’ve EVER seen … a man who glared at me for opening a pack of gum in the store before paying for it (which of course, I always do … I just wanted it right there and hadn’t finished my shopping), for making me redo whole sets of movements during a workout if he didn’t think they were perfectly legitimate, for not moving our garbage bins outside before 7:00 AM for fear of increasing the noise level for our neighbors, or for buying too many of my favorite mani/pedi Groupons … a man whose values are simultaneously a beacon for virtuosity and a source of great torment when I am at my weakest. It’s compelling but a bit annoying at the same time.

So when you pique the mind of a naturally curious and rebellious person who tends to make up her own rules from time to time (and lives under the oppression of righteousness, I’ll have you know) … you will get nothing but more curiosity… I just couldn’t help myself.

“This is so wrong…”, I thought as I tore the envelope open. Not only could I go to jail, I might (as many catholics of my time think) go to hell! What’s worse, Matt’s going to give me hell if he finds out!

But … after getting over my little crisis, I opened the little card inside. It was a pretty picture card from these little Franciscan monks thanking him for his generosity to the poor… and it would seem that it’s Norbert’s birthday as well…

OH. MY. GOLLY-GEE-WALLY… I’m definitely going to hell. I just opened the birthday card of a dead man who shares his DOB with The Big JC himself... if that isn’t something seriously sacred, then nothing is.

It’s not like getting out of opening the pack of gum by paying for it on my way out or sharing my Groupons with girlfriends who normally wouldn’t treat themselves… this was way out of my league of playing by my own rules.

But then I had an idea like my new friend, Sommer (she’s the gal who first went into Kmart a couple weeks ago and paid off the Christmas layaways of families who tried but clearly could not afford to pay off the presents for their children this year … you might know her as the “Layaway Angel” in the news. Her anonymity notwithstanding, she broke down and told me … so of course I had to go back with her and clear out more layaways on the list there and then visit a few more Kmarts. As you know, the local and national news got ahold of the story and people across the country started doing the same… which is pretty frickin awesome because the few people we helped for Christmas turned into many dozens more. Sommer most definitely made my v-v-short list of favorite people. Not only does she crossfit and have a non-conventional background, but she’s mischievously generous, smart, and nosey … qualities I cherish and display from time to time)

I digress.

So I had this idea. If I’m willing to take such a liberty in opening a dead man’s mail, I now owe it to him (and my sense of wrongdoing) to give back and make good come out of this.

But how on earth can I do this without getting caught for my awful, awful felonious and blasphemous act?! Well, you make your bed, you gotta sleep in it.

Once again, I couldn’t help myself.

I got out my checkbook, set aside a Christmas card, and sent out a donation on behalf of Norbert and his family. I also included a note apologising for the lapse in donations these past 4 years, but to expect Norbert’s ongoing generosity from now on.

Merry Christmas, Norbert. I apologise for opening your Birthday/Christmas card, but I hope I can at least help make your delightful story and legacy live on a little longer.

chip, chip, chip away for we aim to climb another day…

on the road WOD … ugh … it’s like maintenance rather than progress … i really miss the box and my peeps … it’s just not the same, really …

1m run
50 pullups
50 burpees
50 suitcase overhead squats (48lbs)
50 TTB
1m run

oooh... tough 4 days training in the boundary waters ... driving 9hrs each way … then carrying heavy packs (65/85) in subzero temps … long miles, nasty weather, and nasty terrain ... tough, but good expedition training this weekend ... it was very telling about where I am and what work needs to be done ... bulking up to 150+lbs may not be as much a priority as much as other goals I've identified given how technical the west rib route is and some tough decisions Matt and I need to make about the future in the next few months  (http://www.supertopo.com/rock-climbing/route_photo.php?r=akdewrib&dpid=Pj01Pj84ISAl)

all life-changing things aside, this weekend was a good sniff test for ice fest competition in jan/feb, rainier in march/april, baker/hood in april, and (of course) denali in may ... as well as where our heads, hearts, and skills are at … good, but tough weekend

mental energy = 9

physical energy = 9

recovery = 8

diet = 7

health = 9

… will try to post more often, but matt and I have a lot of things competing for our attention these days … suffice to say that we’re doing well, but I honestly miss my coaches, my CF support system, and my friends

T = Time to MAN UP

Friday & Saturday: FUD

I gotta come clean. I have FUD. This acronym usually means FEAR, UNCERTAINTY, and DOUBT... however, in my case, it’s:

FEAR. UNDISCIPLINED. DISTRACTED.

Matt & I are climbing Denali again. Unsupported. I’ve never climbed high altitude unsupported before. So in order for us to ascend and descend safely, I have to AT LEAST have the same capabilities (if not more) than last year. Having said that, there’s a lot of work to be done.

Fear.

It took Rudy's tough love yesterday during the Snatch/C&J skills test to get me to MAN UP and admit that I can be a total sissy. Sometimes I am afraid of training with Rudy because he sees through my BS like glass and calls it out unfiltered - gotta be willing to hear the blunt truth, grow a pair, and get on with it. The truth ain’t always pretty or nicely packaged.

1. I am scared to lift heavy

I lifted about 30% less than my PRs today ... (85/135? from 110/175)

I can blame being underweight, I can blame poor nutrition, I can blame a lot of things, but the fact is that I am afraid. I have never been afraid of going for all the weight I can ... GO HEAVY OR GO HOME, right?!

Well, I am afraid because I TOTALLY let myself go over the past year and I am lazy (19% body fat @ 132lbs now compared to the 15% body fat @ 155 right before we left for Denali).

I have no one to blame but myself for picking up the all-you-can-eat-cupcake-funyuns-ice-cream-fried-chicken habit that I now have... but the fact is that I got scared to lift less weight that I carry on the mountain... less than when Matt and I go on our little forest jaunts... less than the FRICKIN C&J/Rope Climb WOD I finished a few days prior! If that isn’t a blaring reminder how mental and technique oriented oly lifting is, I don’t know what is.

This just means that I need to lift more, get over myself, and build my confidence. I’m usually the one trying to help others build their confidence and listening to their BS, but the truth is that I’m right there too.

2. I am scared of the work I gotta do

I never had this problem when I first started CrossFitting because I didn’t know better... failing wasn’t a big deal and everything was a new learning experience. “Hey! That’s looks neat, let’s try it!”

I am scared of what is ahead. I had to sacrifice and work so hard to get ready for Denali last year. Eating 3000-5000 calories a day became a job, 2-a-days were emotionally draining, and school sucked out whatever mental energy I had left in me. Thank god I tapered before the expedition.

... 2 years later? I guess it’s the pressure because I “should” know better ... I know what I’m supposed to do after 20+ years of climbing and training. Even CFHQ certified me with a piece of paper saying that I know what I’m supposed to do (well, that’s for another rant) ... but I still have movements I need to correct or I’ve become rusty at them. For example, I now struggle at ALL squat movements ... more than before (and that’s saying something). So Saturday's OHS workout highlighted that.

21-15-9 reps @ 7-something
Overhead Squats (55#)
CTB Pull-ups

OHS were bad. Really bad. So bad that Glenn and I, dropped the weight, ignored the clock and just tried to get them legit. Even Rudy called out how bad it was from the loft... I was really working hard, my body just wouldn’t frickin listen.

It wasn’t the fatigue or the weight. It was being able to get into a good squat. Glenn and Matt are right about “too mobile/too flexible” ... yoga makes me really, really, really flexible ... so much that I bottom out, drop the hips too much, or let my core/back soften out on the descent so that getting back up lacks any power or leverage ... they are right about having to work harder at strengthening those deficits. I also don’t get on my heels enough and use my posterior glute/ham chain... my kinesthetic awareness stinks!

3. I am afraid of failing

I’m still not quite able to talk about everything that happened on the mountain ... nor will I ever be. It’s not the first time I’ve seen or dealt with stuff like this, but that doesn’t mean that I’ve toughened up to it. I just know that in high altitude and/or in a big storm, failure means severe injury or death... given that it’s just me and Matt, I guess the pressure to succeed and avoid failure is higher because this man, for better or worse, IS my life. Talk about finding the “E” in SMARTE goals ...

So fear is a big thorn right now. I know I can deal with it ... I have failed plenty before and know I will in the future ... I just have to be patient, listen, and trust myself ... and the people around me.

UnDisciplined.

Matt argues that I’m soft there because I’ve “outsourced” those good habits and skills to other people. When you have no choice but to be self-sufficient, you develop the skill and habits to be disciplined, efficient, and consistent ... ironic that I’m learning this from someone who I have a decade + of life experience over ... and poetic justice.

My career has been built on my ability to innovate and take risks other people wouldn’t consider. I have been expected to think, live, and breathe outside of the box ... hell, outside of the whole building ... so discipline and consistency will be a work in progress... and a measurable deficit until I am better at it.

Distracted.

Anyone who knows me knows that I‘m like a 12-year old with ADD ... I love everything. I am distracted and want to get my grubby paws on everything. I am foolish enough to think I can multitask ... one would think that after almost half a century, I’d have figured out how to prioritise, focus, and execute efficiently.

... but why do those things when you can have someone do that for you? For over 2 decades, I’d set the agenda, dictate priorities, and let my support circle corral me... I know I’ve blathered about this before, but I can’t emphasise enough how important it is for me to become more self-sufficient and not get distracted.

Fun Levels

Tery: that WOD was definitely level 2 fun!
Friend: level 2 fun? define please...

Tery: level 1 fun = just being there is fun ... it is addictive and can easily become part of your lifestyle.
Friend: like a 5k run or a WOD?
Tery: definitely. For me, it'd be ice climbing in Ouray or the Cascades ...  also short climbs like most of the routes on Rainier, Baker, Hood, and Adams

Tery: level 2 fun = there are some challenging, sucky bits, but it's still fun and is something you find yourself doing over and over.
Friend: example?
Tery: for some, a marathon, a triathlon, or ironman. For me, technical climbs between 10k and 14k feet like some peaks in La Cordellia Blanca or the French Alps. Ouray, Cascades and Chugach also have some technical routes that will sizzle the body a fair bit... but when you look around, any pain fades really fast.

Tery: level 3 fun = loads of challening, sucky bits, but it's bearable and fun if you do it with a good friend ... something you definitely have to train for mentally and physically. Not something you can do very often, but when you do, it's pretty epic.
Friend: ... and?
Tery: for some people, perhaps an ultra or those century bike rides. For me, it's the West Buttress death march on Denali, doing volunteer clean up on the Everest North Col, climbing the chimneys on Alpamayo, rescue patrol on the Tetons, and making it to any ridge along Torres Del Paine ... this is a growing list

Tery: level 4 fun = sucks like hell most of the time and usually risks your life, but it's just something you HAVE to do. Chances are, you won't do it more than twice given that you and your partner find yourselves questioning your states of mind when you decided to do it in the first place. For some people, that might be K2 or Annapurna. For me, that's the West Rib or the Ferrari Route.
Friend: ...this is your favorite kind of fun, isn't it?
Tery: Usually, but after doing whatever it is for the first time, it becomes level 3 fun or I never do it again. I'm discovering that everyone has their own view of what level 4 is for them. When I was younger and had something to prove, I was all about the level 4 fun. Now I find myself sticking with level 3 and taking calculated risks to balance things off.

Know Thyself

I’m not quite there yet - but there’s always time and I have a way to go. As Matt & I start doing some preliminary planning for the expedition, I feel it’s time to check in with myself and take an honest, realistic look. Please bear with me as I blather on ...

• Diet: I'm getting better, but let's face it, I am still an addict. I still want cheat meals. I confess that I'm still letting myself ease in simply because Denali is 10 months out and I don't want to burn myself out going hard all the time. Know thyself. Give it a month or 2 and then -BAM- I become Diet-hypomanic because the mental pressure of the expedition kicks in.

  Side note: today's craving... quart of chocolate gelato (800 cal), fried shrimp (about 500cal), and 4-box of Sweet Mandy B's cupcakes (about 2200 cal) ... So, I'm not worried about the calories because I need to gain weight ... I'm worried about how I'm going to feel and perform afterwards ... ugh ... that's gonna suck ... really suck ... well, I just ruined a perfectly good cheat meal for myself ... no longer tempted... I'm such a chicken!

• Physical Training: Consistency! Consistency! Consistency! I'm still easing my way into a training pace, which will make maintaining it easier over time. I know I can burn myself out, but I also know I can rival the laziness of Turkey-the-Cat if I’m not careful - so this is a balancing act. So far, I'm CF'ing 3-5 times a week (for now) - which is good.

  These are my milestones: Around 9-6 months out from expedition, I'll ramp up to 4-5x a week with 2-a-days once a week. Then 5-3 months out, I'll keep the 4-5x a week but ramp up to 2-a-days maybe a few times a week. By the last 2 months, I'm going to aim for 2-a-days as part of my daily schedule with several long, heavy chippers throughout the week... why? My body has to be ready for those tough storm days or those heavy vertical moving days. So far, it seems like the most realistic approach for me.

• Technical Training: Know it in your sleep, know it in a storm, know it when your rope partner punches through a bridge, just F’ING KNOW IT... that pretty much sums it up. I have to remind myself that wilderness skills are perishable. I don’t believe I’ll ever forget HOW to tie knots, beacon search, probe, or set anchors ... but being able to do them as if second nature when it matters is critical.

  A climbing buddy once said that you can never practise rescue and climbing techniques enough because the safety of team members and having a good experience are at risk. Last year, Matt and I were prepared, but a couple of folks on our team weren't ... frostbite and AMS became trip killers ... and not fun at all when you’ve trained hard, got yourself mentally and physically prepared, and spent 5-figures to climb a mountain with a pretty narrow summit window.

• Expedition/Logistical Planning: it’s just me, Matt, and our well-seasoned gear. We started putting together the plan for our climbing gear, protection gear, layering systems, food, fuel, and camping gear together. Since this is my 5th (and Matt’s 3rd) time on this mountain, we’re pretty solid in terms of planning this out. The major adjustments will be pack weight, food/fuel rationing, and cache/carrying strategy since we’re going unsupported and on a different, more challenging route (west rib).

  I finally got around to looking at all the videos from last year ... given the bad injuries and death, it wasn’t particularly easy (story for another day). But we need to take everything and our trip report into consideration as lessons learned ... and move forward. Since it's just us two unsupported for Denali this time (i.e., no guides/sherpas to help build camps, cook, guide, handle logistics, food/fuel planning), there will be major pack weight increases, more recovery time needed, cache/carry adjustments on the route, and more disciplined eating... I confess that my biggest lesson was that I made things harder on myself... I just wasn't eating or drinking enough when we got above 14k ... that and we didn't check in with the other team members to ensure they were taking care of themselves as well (btw, frostbite and AMS are very preventable).

  No doubt, mountaineering is a team sport and you can't f#ck around when you risk so much... so if you ever see me slack off or complain, I give you free reign to give me hell or remind me what it will take to get Matt to safety if we’re above 17k feet and he’s too injured to get down on his own. Alex was totally right - failure is NOT an option.

---

Anyhoo, on Tuesday, I worked on cleans ... here's some of the videos ... please don't judge me!

2997 - warm up @ 75 (15-45-15). Haven't worked on cleans in a while so I came in knowing it'd feel a little rusty. There aren't enough hours in the day ...

2998 - not sure, but this is either 95 or 115 (25 or 35# plates)? I guess it doesn't really matter at this point because I'm still warming up and working on my timing (or lack thereof) ... neutral spine, time the pull, aware of hips, elbows underneath, explode, get under the f’ing bar! ... that sorta thing

2999 - added more weight ... as matt point out, a bunch of things here ... gotta bend hips and kness to get under the bar faster, thus avoiding that odd-looking wide landing. I also lost engaged, neutral spine. I still struggle with that in many lifts so it needs to be continous work.

3001 - coach matty really gets into the mix now ... i can see that i'm starting to over-think it and not just getting aggressive under the bar ... and just doing what he says!

3003 - tad better ... but not by much ... one thing improves, other things appear ...

3006 - elbows and back... the work continues...

so yeah ... there are many, many more opportunities for improvement, but you get the picture. I’m not "awful", but my cleans definitely need work and I know what I need to do. It’s a work in progress like the rest of everything else in life and certainly not the end of the world.

Thu 5/19: Reading, Reflections & Strength Work

Strength Work

Wednesday’s Foundations workshop got me excited about working more on ROM, so I decided to do strength work today instead of hitting the WODs... first things first, right?!

I started with snatches and then broke them down into front squats, OHS, and GHDs - all the while keeping it light (between 65-85#) and just plugged away. They felt really good and I had fun, but they weren’t as consistent as I’d have liked. Every time I failed more than 2 reps, I’d drop 10# and just do more.

With Stephanie and Emmit coaching me along, I did at least 6-7 sets of 4 with additional corrective reps thrown in, then hit the GHDs for 4 sets of 10.

Big takeaway: consistency and engaging the glut/ham chain better. I also felt better squat depth using Kurt’s cues from Foundations - rotate the dinner plates & pull the string !! These cues gave me more position awareness and a little more consistency.


Reflections
Looking back, I worked really hard last year, learned some basics, and had solid gains, but I think my biggest lesson from training was working smarter. I didn’t pay as much attention to ROM integrity & consistency back then, all the while hitting these solid PRs with only 8 months between day 1 and basecamp ... the conclusion being how greater the gains I can have this time around armed with more knowledge, 12 months, and a history to glean from. Very exciting, but I need to be more patient.

Speaking of which, I think of Tucker discussing a lot of this in his gymnastics class. He said that a sign of a great athlete is one who has great body awareness and control (i.e., kinesthetic awareness). They can quickly assess what their body needs to do and execute it with efficiently.

That really stuck and has been inspiring. Climbing for decades made my body accustomed to carrying a lot of weight over long distances, so I should feel patient and confident enough knowing that I can let go of my ego and focus on where the coaches are trying to get me.


Reading: Diet and Addiction
I am an addict ... I have substance addictions with sugar, caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol. The latter of the 2 never became a problem for me because excessive use isn’t socially acceptable, there are many support systems out there to help you, and I nipped these issues pretty early in life. However, sugar and caffeine is marketed, rationalised, and defended on an epic level ... like crack cocaine, it’s all cheap and highly accessible. Consuming extraordinary amounts of sugar and caffeine has become part of the mainstream American lifestyle. It's ok to give someone the stink eye if they're in public with a ciggy or carrying a 5th of whiskey, but heaven forbid if you give a 2nd look at the big chick in the corner stuffing her face with ice cream?! How is that not seriously FUBAR?!

Anyway, someone suggested I take Concerta to deal with what seems to be ADHD, but I thought about taking a closer look at my behavior and trying at least 1 holistic method before getting an RX. After reprioritising a few things in my life, controlling my intake, and giving my schedule more structure, I’m starting to feel like I’m normalling out in 2 weeks... I immediately noticed fewer of those weird ADHD spurts/crashes after that caffeine-rich post-wod drink or junk food sugar fix.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a strange and energetic character, but I don’t feel so jittery and like I’m jumping out of my skin. Also, my skin texture seems a little less clogged, I feel more motivated/positive, and I’m sleeping a bit better overall.

Chipping away at this book and a few articles thus far:

Livestrong article on diet - http://www.livestrong.com/article/113530-diet-nutrition-adhd/

Understanding nutrition - By Eleanor Noss Whitney, Sharon Rady Rolfes

ADHD Diets - http://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/guide/adhd-diets

ADHD/ADD Natural remedy Report (www.treatADDnaturally.com)

Phospholipid spectrum disorders in psychiatry and neurology - by Malcolm Peet, Iain Glen, David F. Horrobin

Nutrition and ADHD: Omega-3 Fatty Acids, Micronutrients and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder - By Natalie Sinn

Scattered Minds: Hope and Help for Adults with Attention Deficit - By Lenard Adler, Mari Florence

Really Funny ... but not so funny too.

i found this really funny, yet too true, post from a crossfitter. nothing has changed in 5 years and here i am channeling his frustration myself.

How to suck at CrossFit

Or… How a load of M&Ms can cost you over a minute of your life.

1. Work late.
2. Get up early.
3. Spend the entire day from nine until six in meetings with no chance to eat right.
4. Live off coffee and M&Ms for most of the day.
5. Make sure a few of the meetings are “awkward” just to get you nice and stressed.
6. Show up late and miss the warm up.

I can pretty much guarantee that half way through the second run on Helen* you’ll feel like I did. Shite. I thought I was going to have to sit down and quit – luckily I’m way pig headed so I finished just about. 10 minutes and change – slightly over a minute worse than my best time. Lost forever.

Pity because I’ve actually been making pretty good progress on the whole Paleo Diet thing over the last week or two – more on that later.

“You are what you eat” - 20th September 2006, 09:51 pm

Apparently, my ego has no bounds.

WOD @ 8:13 

50 Double-Unders
10 Power Cleans (110#)
40 Double-Unders
8 Power Cleans
30 Double-Unders
6 Power Cleans
20 Double-Unders
4 Power Cleans
10 Double-Unders
2 Power Cleans

Didn’t do a post until I got home - there was vinyasa and a 2k job with doggy, though. We love the forest and all the little animals.

---

Ok. This prioritisation process is v-tough. I just need to stick. I'm avoiding the decisions I know I need to make. Slagging off and complaining is easier but not getting me anywhere... and it’s messing up my head. I keep saying I’ve made a decision, but then I oscillate. At my age, it shouldn’t be so tough and it’s not like I don’t know how to pick my battles or know where this is all going.

I need to choose between school and climbing.

In the timeframe I have left, it is unrealistic for me to simultaneously pursue a med degree, do charity work, train for/go on expeditions, and maintain a healthy relationship with Matt. My last relationship should have been my lesson, but noooo ... my ego just won’t let go.  I want to bite off more than what I can realistically chew.

I’ve never given up on anything. Anything. I set my sights on something, I plan, I mobilise, then I go get it. I’m always successful.

I wanted to change my career ... do a 180. Sure! I won’t be as strong as I used to be, but as long as I can contribute on the mountain, I can still be up there, right?! Go from a very successful career in technology to a wilderness MD. No problem.

I wanted to help this charity get grant money while helping me gain med credibility with research. Sure! My assistants structured my life for me and I can make up for all my karmic debt. I can make time and I can deal with the egos. No problem.

I’m getting married again. Sure! Matt is awesome. He’ll support my choices. He can go off to special forces while I am in med school. Wedding? Oh that’s easy. I’ve been married before... no problem.

Sure, I can defer med school until next year so I can do other things. The instructors I’m doing research for won’t mind if I go get married, go climbing for weeks at a time, do charity work too... No problem.

I’m Tery. My ego knows no bounds. I can do anything. It’s not like I’m not smart enough or don’t have a good work ethic. I can have it all.

OMG, I’m so full of crap.

---

OK.  I'm done ranting and complaining. Time to grow a pair and let go. 
Sleep: 7
Stress: 8.5
Diet: 3
Health: 8.5
Strength: 65%
Mental Energy: 4
Physical Energy: 8

Kitty Yoga & Calendars

Actually, he’s not practising yoga, but his flexibility and strength is definitely being challenged by Matt! I might call this “Felinasana”!

I dreamt of pullups last night and woke up with rather sore biceps. Perhaps it’s a sign to practise them more... so I’m going to do

- 25 pullups,

- 25 pushups,

- 50 situps, and

- 50 air squats

every day no matter what.

The numbers are low enough where I can bang them out without messing up my whole day if I plan to CF or do yoga later but enough reps where I can develop some level of proficiency. The goal here is that when I have to do high reps in a WOD, I can work towards going unbroken and start challenging myself.

Having blathered all that, I don’t have a rower and am still pretty sore, so today I did the above and the primary series instead of CFC’s RX WOD.

For now, 2-3x a week is OK, but not ideal (roughly CF’ing every 2 days). I’m working towards 3-4 a week (every other day). Eventually I’d like to be able to train 3on-1off ... which is where I need to be for the expedition.

So Coach had me log my activities from wake to bed because it appears that I need to get my schedule in order before laying out a training plan. I love and hate the fact that he can spot my weaknesses with such ease.

Here it is (click the screenshot):

I looked at it ...  and yes, I lack structure. I do a lot of stuff. My days don’t seem to be very organized. Given how I have a mobile device that allows me to muck about with facebook, TXTs, IMs, and the internet, it also looks like I have too many distractions.

I am Tery and I am addicted to my computer, my android, and all the stuff that comes with them... kinda like ice cream, bacon, cupcakes, and cheese ... in that order.

When I’m supposed to be working on wedding stuff, I get a little facebook ping ... and then 2 hours whisk by. When I’m supposed to be studying or doing lab work ... I’ve got my blog, some other blog, or facebook up too.

Productivity is a problem that could become my limiting factor in whatever fitness/training goal I try to set if I don’t deal with it now.

Right. So I know I tend to analyse a lot, but I also have this niggling feeling that Rudy is giving me a Jedi-Mind-Trick hint ... in fact, I can almost hear his voice ... “get yo shit in order first, T!”.

So the $200k question is: how the F*** do I do that? A little context...

1. I no longer have a housekeeper ... and we’ve discovered that I am a LOUSY housekeeper. I really try and am committed to the lifestyle adjustment, but there’s a serious learning curve here, doing a good job isn’t easy, and boy it takes a LOT of time! Sometimes it’s a little embarassing to admit that I lived like this for many years, but I am grateful for a chance to improve my life in different ways. Work in progress.

2. I no longer have assistants ... learning to manage my time efficiently without relying on someone else is REALLY HARD because you have to be self-disciplined (which I never really had to be). It’s not that I’m lazy, it’s just that I need to develop new habits and skills ... like #1.

3. I get distracted easily ... with external things that pop up (like a phone call that turns into an hour, a facebook message that MUST be answered now, or the cat taking a crap on the laundry basket) ... or internal things that my INTJ head can’t let go of (like pontificating on my blog as I’m doing right now) ... other than getting an RX for Adderall or Concerta, I’m not sure what to do or how to deal with what could be some form of ADHD.

4. Prioritising ... in business, I was great. I was decisive. I was the boss. I had a plan and could excute the crap outta anything. But now, it’s personal. Everything is important. I am now half of a whole. I’m 40+ years old and it’s like I’m starting all over again. I can’t do things the way I used to if I want to keep this marriage. I certainly need to figure out how to prioritse in such a way that everyone wins. This is going to be tough and I realise that some things will have to give.

march first

Ok. I need to call it out. I've had enough with making little notes, saving bookmarks, blog entry complaints about sore days, writing
little outlines, drafting templates, and making excuses. This is not me and this is not how I operate.

March 1st is when I will start training in earnest. We agreed to climb Denali again in 2012. That gives me about 15 months to get ready for the
season...

... and (as of today), I have approximately 4 weeks to get it together, do the research, recruit some help, really plan this thing out, and get organized. Last year was ok, but that’s it. It was ok. Matt and I are going to climb unguided (completely on our own), carrying everything (no sharing of the loads, which will probably increase weight to 140-145; roughly 15-20lbs more), and. Maybe if I let these facts sink in a bit, I’ll start to get that sense of urgency and intensity that I am sorely missing.

Given how much I struggled last year with school and moving, this will be no treat. I still have to plan for our wedding in October, get the house
renovations done, get the 501c3 filing done for the foundation, and finish the stuff I’m doing for this semester. Methinks some things will have to
give.

I have a number of big decisions to make. This is going to be a rough 4 weeks.

* sleep: 4 (this is problematic and a legitimate concern)
* stress: 8 (still too much going on)
* health: 75% (keep waking up congested)
* diet: 4 (better, but not great … rice made an appearance)
* physical energy: 6 (see all of the above)
* mental energy: 6 (ditto)

my friends might be crazy

...messed up, confused, and downright FUBAR ... but they’re mine, i accept them for who they are, and i love them ... and they love my mixed-up, forgetful, clumsy yellow-ish ...

deal with it, people. that’s what friendship is.

quitting is not an option

… but i’m learning (or should i say, “re-learning”) that success is not just getting the grades, passing the tests, and reaching the top of whatever “mountain” i’m trying to climb.

i’ve been on this MD path for a little while now. i’ve been putting in the work, accumulating the clinical experiences, and putting in the research hours . . . it seems like i’m well on my way. other than the fact that my grand-plan to live out my dream of treating high-altitude climbers during season and those who have little/no access or resources to healthcare off-season is going to take a little longer than i expected (yeah, so putting off a 3-year GP residency for a 4-year PhD program in behavioral neuroscience and biotechnology is adding a lot of time and getting me a lot closer to being a GP at 50 than i thought) ...

so why am i complaining? isn’t an MD/PhD a great thing to do? aren’t i contributing to the medical community in a significant and pragmatic way that helps climbing athlete and regular joe at the same time?

the long-winded answer to my question is: no, not really considering the direction i’m going. maybe indirectly if the research produces a tool, process, or treatment method that helps them … but it’s not wilderness or emergency care.

so if i take ego out, consider my age, the investment required, my marriage and life with Matt ... i really have to rethink the plan. luckily, according to my advisor, i have about 1.5 years to figure that out before “game over”. in the meantime, i’m going to work on what i suck at (which is a lot at the moment), take the darned tests, and keep going . . . if my path changes, i’m sure it’ll be ok ... as long as i keep moving and i arrive at my destination

time to get back

not only is it time to return to my studies, but
also time to get back to a regular workout schedule.

although i won't be as aggressive about training as i was for denali
this past season, i'm committed to staying fit and will probably work
out 3-5 times a week. having said that...

WOD @ 8:37
4 rounds (15-12-9-6 reps)
- sumo deadlift high pull @ 65#
- push jerk @ 65#

i broke all over the place. today was a struggle because it was the
first time i worked out since late july when i was in wyoming for the
wilderness EMS course. it was tough and i broke all over the place,
but i'm not going to stress it since i really need to focus on med
school-related things and the house renovations.

i noticed a bit of flab, so i think it's time to stop eating like i
just got off the mountain (i gained 19 of the 26lbs i lost) and get
back to a healthier, balanced paleo diet. from a recovery and overall
health standpoint, it'll help because i won't be sleeping much for the
next few years ;)

Rest/Recovery: 7hr
Health: Recovering
Mood: 6
Energy: 5
Stress: 7

@l home

so much to say

So here I am on a lovely Saturday afternoon struggling to
get a few more chapters of WEMT studying done. I'm struggling not because
the material is difficult, but more because of all the distractions and
things on my mind.

Initial thoughts...
* my own ADD vs the ADHD (or lack thereof) of some of my friends . and, of
course, I love them anyway
* human quirks, idiosyncrasies, and imperfections . the good, the bad, and
everything else in between
* why isn't the cable working ... I wanna watch the news and discovery
channel* how far I've come in my life, how far I still need to go, and what
it's going to take to get there
* things to make life with Matty happy
* where the hell is the remote?!
* why I can't judge, why I can't really say anything . and how much I really
want to in spite of myself
* past mistakes, today's struggles, and the limitations to dealing with
tomorrow's goals
* I hate how dark it is in this condo ... can't WAIT to close on the house
and move
* not having enough money, time, youth, or capability to get the things I
want done done
* can I get away with eating this, working out with my back like this, or
procrastinating on studying again today
* damned this droid phone... it's so bloody addictive.
* I wish my back felt better so I could work on clean & jerks again
* only 4 hours till Tess needs to be walked again
* 13 days till the WEMT and 8 more chapters... oh man, long nights ahead
* Tess is cute. Matt is cute. Matt has cute berry feets. He likes it when I
rub his feet after work.
* work or school. work or school. work or school... did I make the right
decision?
* I could really go for a nice little piece of cheese. I wish I could afford
to eat at Avec again...
* "it's not that I feel old, it's that dating someone younger amplifies what
my age means." ... too true, ray. Too true
* obamacare ... wax on, wax off... slap on, whack off.
* unconstitutional ban on handguns ruling ... ahh the thrill of victory, but
the pain of getting there
* clean up, send out of the post, take out the trash, do laundry
* check to see if all my social networks, blog sites, and profiles are
securely screened
* foursquare, yelp, and facebook are the devil ... ooh. I got a new message

Stress: 7
Sleep: 6hrs
Mental energy: 6
Physical energy: 8
Health: back still in recovery

20100429 Training: coming into the home stretch

I'm glad I took yesterday
off because I was pretty thrashed from the last 3 days of functional drills
and heavy lifting. not to mention the fact that my recovery is of a 40-year
old and NOT a 25 year old. so I may still be able to maintain a solid level
of performance, but recovery from pushing hard takes longer. it's a
physiological fact. To get the same results as those 15 years younger than
me, I have to work harder.. and working harder means longer recovery.



Truthfully, I'm just thrilled to be healthy, fit enough for the climb, and
able to manage recovery enough where I'm not tooooo slowed down (as if this
is possible . I AM La Tortuga after all). Having said all that, here's how
things ran today.



Gymnastics: worked on muscleups and butterflies. I can string 3-5 kipping
pull-ups and deadhangs, but muscleups and butterflies are still on the list.
Got into my transition from the muscleup but lost the ring dip when my
elbows flared out . gah. So after 3-4 more attempts, I worked on butterfly
movement and getting better at my kipping pullup. Lots of opportunity to
improve here.



Metcon: 8min AMRAP @ 4 rounds, 1 f-squat



- 4 power cleans @ 85lbs

- 6 front squats @ 85lbs

- 8 box jumps @ 21"



Power cleans not a problem at all - it was the quad-burning front squats
that gave me trouble. that and the fact that I'm still slow with box jumps
as well. I could keep going, I was just slow and lost my unbroken momentum
around the 3rd round. Lost a few reps here and there for bad form on box and
squat (quel surprise!). Glad I went lighter though because I tend struggle
with squats in general. not sure why that is, but just another thing to work
on. I'm flexible, pretty strong, and can do them - just not consistently. Go
figure. I guess can't be perfect. but I can be hard-working!



Generally speaking, I'm dealing with a lot of stress coming into the home
stretch before the expedition and finals next week, but I feel ok. For those
who know me, I am true to form . when hell breaks loose and crisis ensues,
I'm the one who gets calm and pulls everyone out of the hole. However, if
given too much time to over-think, over-analyse, and brood, I'm a mess and
my own worst enemy.



Diet: 7

Sleep: 6

Stress: 8

Soreness: 5

Energy level: 6

Mental strength: 8

Phys Strength: 6

They Arrived!

Yes! Hello, my lovelys!

This is my mom's Christmas gift to me. They were on backorder and just arrived today - hooray!

She knew I needed proper weightlifting shoes for safe weight training and bought me the Rogue Do-Wins. I really prefer the suede more than the hard leather of the Pendelays and should be ok since I'm not doing 400+lb lifts (...yet....)

Thanks Pollo!! Hooray!!

Posted via email from Tery's Bits and Bobs

The Known and the Unknown: 90 days left

Today is the 3 month mark.

6 months ago when I started CrossFitting, I was nervous about trying a new training program. What I was doing before wasn’t the best, but it was what I knew. Not that I was an exceptional athlete by any means, but it got me this far, right? I’ve climbed some pretty big mountains, dealt with some pretty tough weather, and lived through some pretty nasty situations without too many permanent injuries.

Anyway, It’s not that I was afraid of trying something new, it was that I didn’t want to risk the 9 month window I had to prepare for Denali.

Let’s give some context here. This will be my 4^th time on this mountain. This is my 2^nd attempt trying to summit it. This time I’ll be 40 with crap feet, crappier knees, and a lot less money… it’s important that I do this on my own steam… no hand holding, no sherpas, no rescue above 14000ft. I am, for all intents and purposes, returning to my dirtbag roots.

There are a few mountains I’ve always wanted to climb: Denali, Huascarán, Cerro Norte, Cho Oyu, Shishapangma, and Kangchenjunga. Ideally, I’d have the resources to climb them all, but Denali and Huascaran have a special place for me as they are mountains in the my favorite places on earth: Alaska and La Cordillera Blanca. If I’m able to do an 8000m peak as well, it’d be a great challenge to enjoy. With that said, Denali and Huascarán are on my radar . . . and conceivable within the next 3-5 years.

So I won’t go into all the details about why Denali is such a tough mountain to climb (see below), but I can tell you that the Alaskan Mountain range (next to La Cordillera Blanca, of course) is the most beautiful in the world. It embodies everything that is American – it’s big, it’s expansive, it packs a big frickin punch . . . and it holds so much promise and beauty. If that doesn’t make you want to head NW, I don’t know what will.

I want to return having known I reached the summit and pushed past 18000ft. I want to look down on the range and know I met the challenge. I want to earn that spectacular view. If I get to throw a snowball at matty while we’re up there, that’d be a big bonus :)

Right. Back on track.

I was afraid to try a new training program. But this CrossFit stuff was intriguingly simple and functional . . . it wasn’t all the fine motor stuff that Core Performance had me struggle with. It offered me straightforward, brute strength, hard-charging, core-kicking workout . . . and more. There is a whole community obsessed with it . . . who really get what intensity means . . . who don’t mind my intensity (well, I think they’re really more entertained) . . . who appreciate earning it too.

As of today, I have 90 days left before I leave for the expedition. I’ve had some setbacks, made some progress, made a friend or two, got inspired, and learned a lot. I’m not so much afraid of the training, sacrifice, or pain anymore – maybe more afraid of the disappointment I might have to face if I don’t succeed in honoring those who have supported me so much thus far.

In case you’re interested in learning more about Denali, have a look:

-          http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Denali

-          http://www.summitpost.org/parent/150199/mount-mckinley-denali.html

Posted via email from tery's bits and bobs

20100130: Breakfast

• black coffee
• 4 egg whites
• handful of mixed nuts
• turkey jerky (about 4oz)

i have to admit it, i love this turkey jerky . . . and i am really beginning to love breakfast. it’s the one place where i get to eat all the naughty stuff in a good way . . . run with me here, eating like this is not how i used to eat. it was mostly oatmeal, yogurt, and juice (i know, shudder!) . . . i didn’t learn to consume meats or fats either.

i think what’s tough is the re-programming in my thinking about diet, nutrition, and physical conditioning . . . 40 years of thinking. i’m not complaining, i’m just saying that these are huge adjustments to how i used to do things.

perhaps what makes it tougher is that i didn’t do so bad with the methods i employed . . . give someone a little success or accomplishment and they get pigheaded and know everything . . . even if it is mediocre.

so i’m thankful for this struggle. it reminds me to open myself to new ideas, new ways of doing things, and broader experiences. there was a time in my life when that was all i was about – so all of this helps me realise how set in my ways i’d become and how much opportunity i have at my fingertips.

Physical Energy: 5
Mental Energy: 6
Sleep: 11 hrs (yay!)
Soreness: 3-4
Health/Recovery: 80%
Stress: 7
Weight: 132

20100126 Tue WOD: Frustration

I'm going to lay it out right now. I'm so frustrated I can hardly type ...

I get it. I lament the limitations of my age, recovery from illness, financial responsibilities, managing the household, and school ... it's a crap attitude to have, but there it is. Not because I'm a masochist or looking for attention, but because I keep getting reminded everywhere I turn and every time I think I've made a little progress.

It's really hard to keep a stiff upper lip when I struggle to climb easy routes, carrying fractions of my usual hauls, or go faint during a workout that normally charges me up. My body just won't fucking recover fast enough and it's playing with my head and confidence level. Talking with Eileen last week made me feel better knowing I'm not alone and I think of how hard Alma has it too, but it doesn't erase the fact that we struggle with things we have no control over.

It's frustrating and overwhelming. I get all sorts of feedback ... some of it is surprising and helpful, some of it contradicts what others say, some of it is embarrassing or just downright insulting. It's hard to be called ridiculous when you're making a genuine attempt to learn, put the work in, and not ask for special treatment. I'm doing my best to be coachable, but I also think it works both ways. If it weren't for the faith a few patient, understanding folks had in me, I might have given up by now.

You know, I was really looking forward to going to the gymnastics cert ... I was also looking forward to competing at Sectionals too ... but in 103 days, I have a major expedition, a semester of classes to ace, a condo to sell, and a home to take care of. It's hard to be asked why I'm not doing this or going to that, but I can't say I'm committed to Matt and not take care of him after he spent night after night doing the same for me ... I can't say I'm being fiscally responsible when I'm spending money on things I don't immediately need for the expedition ... I can't say I've prioritized school if I miss out on 12 solid hours of studying I really need to do ... it's hard to be open, social, and positive but keep your mouth shut at the same time ... especially when you've got your eyes on a target further than most people are willing to see.

I'm not going to lie. When you get kicked in the pants so many times over so many years, people telling you that you're "not in the top percent", or having to go at things alone ... it gets harder. I want to yell at Matt for eating ice cream in front of me while I weigh, measure, and pick at meals I don't even want to eat. I want to scream every time I need 8 hours of sleep knowing that I won't get it tonight. I want to cry when I can't pick up the damned bar or finish off that deadhang. I want to punch that stupid fucking Resident for "...have you thought about having children? You should really think about that soon given your age.". Sometimes I feel like taking back that ice cream box, sitting on the sofa, and giving up.

I get it. I overthink it. I worry too much. I take on too much. I need to get over it. My mental game is a big issue. I am my own worst enemy. I'm a pain in the ass. I know!

But dammit, I'm really trying. There are only so many hours in the day and I'm struggle just to put on a nice face and keep up.

Alright. Venting is done. I'll adjust my attitude now.

---

Strength: Deadlift 3-3-3+ @ 130-150-165 (63%-72%-81%) weak and inconsistent form

Gymnastics:
- Ring dips @ 5-5-5
- Worked on the swing to get me into that muscle-up
- 3 isometric 90-degree pullup holds for :30 each

Metcon 5 rounds @ 3:38
- 7 Hang Squat Cleans @ 45 (60% of max clean would've been 81)
- 7 burpees

... yeah, I realize I needed to go heavier. They felt like heavy airsquats and I went completely unbroken ... even with burpees (which are at the top of my suck list). 35# probably would have added another 3-4 minutes - which might have been more realistic and gainful. It was tough, but I still feel like I cheated myself today. I know I'm ultimately responsible for the mistakes I make and I am learning to filter what coaching is legit and what is out-of-context. Time to move on to tomorrow.